How to Forgive, Forget and Let It Go Once and for all

Posted: February 10, 2025

Subject: How to Forgive, Forget and Let It Go Once and for all.

Objective: A cognitive step by step process for forgiving and forgetting hurt, shame, guilt and betrayal.

Opener: Forgiveness is a deliberate act of your will. Forgiveness is not an easy task to accomplish. It is a process that doesn’t happen overnight. You must be intentional about forgiveness and forgiving one’s self.

Key Scripture: Matthew 18: 21-22 (NKJV) 21 Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” 22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.

Opener: Acknowledge that forgiveness is a deliberate act of will and it’s not easy. It’s a process that takes time and effort. You have to be intentional about forgiving others and yourself.
Key Scripture: The Bible verse Matthew 18:21-22 (NKJV) says: Then Peter came to Him and said, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?" 22 Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven." This scripture emphasizes that forgiveness is a continual process.
Why Forgive? Forgiveness is a commandment from God according to the Bible. Micah 7:18 says “He does not retain His anger forever, because He delights in mercy.”
Four Steps to Forgive, Forget and Let Go
- Step 1: Process the Offense (Ecclesiastes 12:13) - Write down how you were hurt and decide if you want to forgive and forget. You can’t change the past but you can change how you let it affect you. Your response is the only thing you can control.

*Write this down in a journal and reread it out loud. Wait 24-48 hours and repeat this process until you can think about it without strong emotions.

Step 2: Choose to Forgive and Forget (Ephesians 4:32) - This step is about forgiving yourself first. If you are struggling to forgive yourself, go back to step 1 and rewrite your story in a more positive light.
Step 3: Release the Anger (Romans 8:1) - Holding onto anger is unhealthy. You’re not hurting the person you’re mad at, you’re hurting yourself.
Step 4: Renew Your Mind (Philippians 4:8) - Focus on positive thoughts and things that make you happy. Replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations.

Here are some additional tips that you can include in your article:

Seek professional help if you are struggling to forgive someone.
Practice empathy and try to see things from the other person’s point of view.
Focus on the present and future and don’t dwell on the past.

Forgiving someone doesn’t mean that you condone their actions. It simply means that you’re letting go of the anger and resentment that is holding you back. Forgiveness is a gift that you give to yourself.

Why should we forgive? It is a commandment from Jesus. The Bible doesn’t use the phrase “forgive and forget” but it does imply the continual process of forgiveness. He does not retain His anger forever, because He delights in mercy (Micah 7:18).

Forgiveness is a clear choice and a deliberate action from the forgiver. Rational minds will contemplate if they deserved the wrong that they endured. They will search and retrace their steps repeatedly, trying to identify where they have made a mistake and allowed themselves to become a victim of some offense.

Four Steps to Forgive, Forget and Let It Go

Step 1. PROCESS THE OFFENSE Ecclesiastes 12:13 (NKJV)

Write down your hurt and determine if you want to forgive and forget. In this step, you should process what has happened to you by coming to terms with the fact that you cannot change your past. You can only change how you allow for it to affect you. In other words, your response to the hurt, wound, injury etc. is the only thing that you can control. Processing it allows you to get it out of your head

You can write this down in a journal, or on a piece of paper. Read it aloud for your ears to hear it and your heart and mind to process it. Wait 24-48 hours to return and repeat this process until it no longer resonates with you. When you can objectify the hurt, you have compartmentalized it. Now you are ready for the next step.

Step 2. CHOOSE TO FORGIVE AND/OR FORGET Ephesian 4:32

In this step, you will need to forgive yourself first and foremost. If you are having a difficult time with forgiving yourself, visit step one and rewrite your story the way you want it to end. Give meaning and hope to the pain you have endured. Starting the process of forgiveness before you are ready can cause you emotional reinjury. Talking with a counselor and making sure you are ready for this step is always recommended. Forgiveness can be one of the most rewarding experiences you can give to yourself. Forgiveness always starts with us and once we can accept our own forgiveness, we are then able to forgive the perpetrator. Now you are ready for step 3.

Step 3. FORGET IT Proverbs 18:21

Now that you have decided what to do with it and have forgiven yourself and/or the perpetrator, let’s forget it! This is almost an impossible task to accomplish because of the way that our brains are designed. God has designed our brain to never forget. We simply forget where we have stored the information in our long-term memory. Our brains will experience what is called a flash bulb memory when we experience trauma or a traumatic event. This can include deep hurt, betrayal, loss, shame, guilt etc. The flash bulb memory is etched into the recesses of our mind. Much like a recording, it will replay the traumatic event or images repeatedly. This emotional injury can resurface what seems like without warning. However, it is sight, sound, taste or event that can cause the trauma to resurface almost out of know where.

Telling yourself not to think about it doesn’t work and trying to forget it doesn’t happen without hard work. This happens by being intentional about forgetting. Use the power of your tongue, according to Proverbs 18:21 and Romans 4:17, when your mind is triggered and the thought(s) reenter into your short-term memory. You must tell yourself that you distinctly remember forgetting the hurt, shame, guilt etc. This process is called cognitive restructuring. Using the power of your voice, say it out of your mouth, so that your ears will hear it and your heart and mind will process it. Retrain your brain to create new neural pathways, reprograming the way you think. You will need to say this aloud so that your ears will hear it; your mind and heart will process that it has been removed, forgiven, and/or forgotten. If you say something often and long enough, your mind will start to believe it. This is the process of forgetting something. Through cognitive restructuring, you can train your brain to forget where you have stored this information. Now you are ready for step 4.

Step 4. LET IT GO Proverbs 4:25-27

Letting it go (LIG) is a process all on its own. After you have decided to process the hurt, forgive yourself and the other person, you are ready to let it go. This is where you decide to put this issue behind you and live in the present moment. When we live in the past, we create a cycle of depression for ourselves. The goal of LIG is to live in the here and now. You must choose to acknowledge what you can control and what you cannot control. You must choose to acknowledge who you can control and who you cannot control. You cannot control people, but you can control how you respond to them. Once you accept who and what you can and cannot control, you will experience serenity. Philippians 4:6-7

Take the journal or piece of paper from step one and process this information (talk about it) with a licensed professional counselor. You can process it with the person who caused the injury, but only if it is safe to do so. Once you have talked about it and got it out, take the journal or piece of paper and burn it. Watch as the hurt that once held you captive is destroyed and reduced to ashes. Again, when your mind tries to bring up this wound, grievance, or sore point, you can remind it by saying aloud that “I cannot go to the four corners of the earth to collect the ashes and put the issues back together again.” Therefore, I am forced to forgive, forget, and move on. I am making a conscious decision to LIG.”